A Call to Arms!

Warning: The views expressed in this piece don’t coincide with my own. This is meant purely as a joke, but its purpose is to raise into question current topic being debated in the SNFL.  

The SFC with another story yesterday about how Berthiaume is open to altering the way the SNFL is structured. The possibility of expanding rosters from 15-17 players, the SFC says, for their public option keeper league -- there's no reason to do this. There's no reason. The SNFL is falling apart! They're gonna bulldoze 40% of the SNFL. The era of Berthiaume has settled in. Forty percent of the SNFL is comprised of good sleepers. The SFC is now using secret tactics to make sure they maintain dominance in the SNFL and leaving the NFC out to fend for itself. They don't have the authority. Forty percent, they're going to have to bulldoze 40% the SNFL to reduce the size because it no longer works the way they want. This is unthinkable in the Sick Nasty Football League. Unthinkable, the era of Berthiaume. It's just -- I'm seeing things happen in this league that I thought I would never, ever see. These are the kind of things that happen in totalitarian regimes!

The era of Berthiaume rolls on. Again, we get the best journalism from the NFC. This from the NFC Telegraph. Dozens in the SNFL may have entire teams bulldozed as part of a drastic shrink to survive proposal being considered by the Berthiaume administration to make way for a keeper league. The SFC is looking at expanding a pioneering scheme in the NFC, one of the best conferences, which involves razing entire teams and returning the land to nothing. Local politicians in the SFC believe the conference must contract by as much as 40%, concentrating the dwindling population and local services into a more viable air. Having outlined this "strategy" to Commissioner Berthiaume during the expansion campaign, John Lee, the treasurer of the SFC, has now been approached by the SFC and a group of charities who want him to apply what he has learnt to the rest of the league. So Mr. Lee said he's going to concentrate on 5 teams and essentially bulldoze them to make 'em smaller and what, more survivable, serviceable or what have you, and turn whatever is bulldozed back to nature, the era of Berthiaume. Shrink to survive. Bulldoze 5 teams, portions of 5 teams. Did you ever think you would hear anything like this in the Sick Nasty Football League? And this is the NFC. This is the NFC. Birthplace of, I believe, the SNFL. Regardless who's been running the SFC? For all these years? Liberals. Who's been running the SFC probably all these years? The NFC made some of their own mistakes but who's making the SFC -- who's bulldozing the NFC? Jonathan Berthiaume. Never, never -- this is the kind of stuff you see in horror films that happens in other leagues. But not here. Bulldozing entire conferences.

I have a question for you, folks, and I know that this is going... you have to listen very carefully here, this is going to push the envelope. Does Fred Varn have the gravitas to be SNFL Majority Leader? Is this what we want in a SNFL Majority Leader? I think the tables need to be turned here. Rather than accept the assumption that Varn is a wizard, a brainiac, utterly qualified and competent, we need to turn the tables and ask what is he bringing to the table. What in the world is Fred Varn doing for the Sick Nasty Football League? How is what Fred Varn is doing enhancing our reputation or improving our position? How many different versions of Satan, the devil, have you seen in your life? I mean, the comic book devil with the red face and the horns, seen that one. We've seen the Satanic devil of the horror films. We've seen the comic devil of TV shows. We've even seen the smooth, tempting devil in Hollywood moves. Is Fred Varn simply another way to portray a devil?

I know: “Taylor, how could you? You don't say this about anybody! Oh, Taylor, please back off, don't go too far, you're going to come off as so, oh, no, Taylor, please don't. He's so laid back, he's so soft-spoken, he's so friendly, he's so, how could you say that, please." Folks, look: Is he so laid back? Is he so soft-spoken? Is Varn so friendly? You tell me. Remember what Varn said when he became the SNFL Majority Leader? He blathered on about bipartisanship and working with the Commissioner and how he came to the job with humility and how he realized now that as Majority Leader his responsibilities were different - that he had to work to bring competing sides together for the good of the SNFL. And from that day forward he's been on TV just about every day doing everything he can to keep the people of this country divided.

In the end my friends, we need to watch out for ourselves. We can't let the agenda of Berthiaume, Lee, Varn, and the SFC ruin this great league we have. We need to take back our league and tell these guys that we don’t want your socialist keeper league just so you can force the NFC  out of the league. Because that’s what going to happen. Don’t trust the liberal media coming out of the SFC. For the NFC to stand, we need to be united!

-Taylor