PWC Bowl II - Weekend Preview

This came as a result of me being bored with no internet access last night. The file is huge (relatively small compared to my penis etc etc) and it might take a bit to load, so be patient. Enjoy!

(Click on the image for full size)


-Jon

Power Rankings: Week 14

	TEAM	RANK	REC	WHAT WE'VE LEARNED
	Andre Johnson's Fist	1 (1)	11-2	As much as we all hoped and prayed this entire season, Arian Foster did not get injured. Should we just give up and name Kevin the winner now?
	Chronic Habsturbators	2 (2)	9-4	Is this team the fantasy equivalent of the Colts? So far they own the best regular-season record over 2 years (19-8) but have still not won a playoff game.
	The Ox	3 (3)	8-5	Apparently drafting Owen Daniels in the 3rd round and a kicker in the 6th round gets you to the playoffs. Take notes kids!
	Core Protection	4 (5)	6-7	If Fred wins any more games, we should probably get used to hearing WOOOSH OH MY DICK WOOSH I AM SO HARD WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH
	Carnegie PantyRaiders	5 (4)	6-7	I thought Frank Gore's injury was just a fluke, but have Bowe's and Hillis' recent performances proven that karma indeed exists?
	The DAWGS	6 (6)	5-7	For one, we learned Taylor really sucks cock at picking starters. And now with Taylor out, there's nobody left who can beat Kevin.
	El Cid	7 (8)	6-7	This team will need strong performances from Cris Johson, Joe Flatto, Reggye Waine, and Josh Sccoobbe in order to beat Anrde Johnsin's Fist and secure a playoff berth.
	Eleven's Chosen Ones	8 (7)	5-8	It's pretty amazing that this team is still in playoff contention after spending most of the season in last place. Props to Garrick for the clutch turnaround.
	themadoompaloompas	9 (9)	4-9	A loss this week would equal The TRONS' record for worst regular season percentage. Too bad last place teams don't get a free pass to playoffs this year
	Las Tortugas Negras	10 (10)	5-8	What is there left to say? I mean Quinton didn't draft his team so he (kinda) has an excuse, but finishing the season behind Bhavik in power rankings? That's just embarrassing.

	LEGEND
	Clinched playoff spot
	Clinched playoff bye
	Eliminated from playoffs

-Jon

10 Questions

Since Taylor is gay and Jonathan won't post his Power Rankings until someone posts 10 Q's here is my take of the classic article:

*1. Mud Eaters: Is Jonathan gay?

*2. Team Canuckistan: Why IS the owner of this team so gay?

*3.The Ox: Jonathan's penis is rumored to be approximately 4 inches but is it true?

4. Carnegie PantyRaiders: Why is this team so lucky?

5. Core Protection: Why is the owner of this team so damn fine?

6. Red Tiger: If Jonathan is gay in the middle of a forest and no one is there to hear him is he still gay?

7. The DAWGS: Why is Cooper so afraid of the water? Is he like Jonathan (gay)?

8. Eleven's Chosen Ones: Why the FUCK were you done with exams before I was done with classes?

9. Las Tortugas Negras: If I told you that Jonathan used the word niggers in every other sentence would you be mad at him?

10. themadoompaloompas: Is Bhavik really small or just Iodine deficient?

There you go. The special edition of 10 Q's.

*- indicates playoff berth

-Fred

Quick Picks

Abridged picks this week. Sorry I didn't release them last week. Thanksgiving break kept me away from the computer. Anyway...

Game of the Week: Eleven's Chosen Ones vs. Las Tortugas Negras.

This is an elimination game for the playoffs. Essentially, the loser is out, and the winner still will need some help but has a good shot of going to the playoffs.

Who wins it: Eleven's Chosen Ones

Game 2: Core Protection Phoenix vs. The Chronic Habsturbators

The classic rematch of the "Core Bowl." The Chronic Habsturbators have locked playoffs and first round bye, Core Protection needs one more win to lock playoffs. Lately The Chronic Habsturbators have been down and Core Protection has been up. Should be a close one.

Who wins it: Core Protection Phoenix

Game 3: Andre Johnson's Fist vs. themadoompaloompas

...Seriously?

Who wins it: Andre Johnson's Fist

Game 4: The DAWGS vs. The Ox

This game also is important to the playoffs. The Ox needs one more win to lock up playoffs, while the DAWGS must win this game to stay in the playoff race. If the Ox loses this one they will be in serious danger of falling out of playoff contention to The DAWGS.

Who wins it: The Ox

Game 5: The Redskins of Fantasy Land vs. The Carnegie PantyRaiders

The Redskins of Fantasy Land have been looking a lot like early season Core Protection lately. They are on a L4 streak and will have a very hard time making it to the playoffs if they do not in this game. A win by the PantyRaiders will lock up a playoff spot for them.

Who wins it: The Carnegie PantyRaiders

The playoff picture will look much clearer after this week.

Good luck!

By the way I still have yet to go 5-0. Maybe this week?

-Fred

Power Rankings: Week 13

	TEAM	RANK	REC	WHAT WE'VE LEARNED
	Andre Johnson's Fist	1 (1)	10-2	I'm not sure which was more brutal, Andre Johnson's ass-whooping of Cortland Finnegan or Kevin's ass-whooping of Las Tortugas Negras...
	Chronic Habsturbators	2 (2)	9-3	This team is quietly riding a W4 streak, but has not finished in the top 5 week points since Week 6. However they also have a free ride to the SFC Championship so none of the next 3 weeks even matter.
	The Ox	3 (3)	7-5	Despite losing to the PantyRaiders in Week 12, they put up a strong showing that would have beaten most other teams. Just one more win will guarantee a playoff spot.
	Carnegie PantyRaiders	4 (4)	6-6	Karma, thy name is Frank Gore.
	Phoenix of the Core	5 (6)	5-7	Was I the only one who had counted them out after a 2-6 start? Playing in what is generally considered as the "weaker" conference may have helped a bit with this team's resurrection however.
	The DAWGS	6 (5)	5-7	In true Taylor style, here's a fun Youtube Video that probably has nothing to do with anything but I'll post it anyway.
	Eleven's Chosen Ones	7 (9)	4-8	Has anyone besides Fred even seen Garrick since the draft? What if Garrick's team is actually a ploy by Fred to boost his own team's status? Would anyone be surprised?
	Redskins of Fantasy Land	8 (8)	5-7	What does it mean to be the Redskins of Fantasy Land? Being the most valuable SNFL franchise? Being the weakest link in your division? Having no chance at playoffs? Who knows...
	themadoompaloompas	9 (10)	4-8	It only took 12 weeks for Bhavik to get his team out of the last rank! Which means he should achieve 8th place sometime between Weeks 9 and 10 of next year.
	Las Tortugas Negras	10 (7)	5-7	I imagine the Week 13 battle between this team and Eleven's Chosen Ones will look something like this

	LEGEND
	Clinched playoff spot
	Clinched playoff bye
	Eliminated from playoffs

Note that themadoompaloompas are still mathematically in playoff contention, but would have to win both of their remaining games while the PantyRaiders and DAWGS lose both of theirs, and outscore the PantyRaiders by at least 213 points over the course of those two games. So I think it's safe to say they won't make it. Sorry Bhavik, at least you'll get an early draft pick next year.

That's all for this week, I wish everyone except Fred good luck in your matchups.

Vincere est totum,
Victoria aut mors,
Vivat SFC!

-Jon

10 Questions

1. *Mud Eaters: Isn’t it kinda weird that their coach is, in a way, out coaching Urban Meyer?   

2. *Team Canuckistan: Since they clinched a bye week, will this team try their best to destroy the dream of Core Protection? And if they succeed, why not call the team The Freddy Kruegers?

3. The Ox: What’s worse, Adrian Peterson getting out played by Peyton Hillis or possibly losing a playoff spot to the Carnegie PantyRaiders and The DAWGS?

4. Carnegie PantyRaiders: Defenses have bye weeks?! Do we need to have lineups set before Thursday Night Football?! This team is close to clinching a playoff spot?!

5. Core Protection: Are we about to put this team in the same breath as the 2009 TRONS?

6. The DAWGS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwq7BYOnDrM

7. Las Tortugas Negras: There is no shame in losing to the Mud Eaters, but if they lose their next game, will there be hell to pay?

8. Red Tiger: Can there be any doubt that their game against the Carnegie PantyRaiders will have HUGE implications to the playoff race?

9. themadoompaloompas: With Reggie Bush having a total of 13.40 points… maybe the Silly Nannies were on to something when they wanted to draft Tim Tebow… hmm? 

10. Eleven’s Chosen Ones: Is it fair to say that they need to be Thirteen and Fourteen’s chosen one?

*- indicates playoff berth

-Taylor