Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Top 5: Rivalries

Over the summer I will be posting some articles on the top five things that were great about the SNFL. Today we’re looking at the best rivalries in the SNFL and what made the some great. There were a lot of combinations to choose from team v. team, conference v. conference, team v. a certain group, etc. This article will be focused on the owner v. owner rivalry. Without further ado, the Top 5 Rivalries of the SNFL.


5.      Team Canuckistan (Berthiaume) v. Core Protection (Varn):
    • Series Record: Regular (1-1)
    • Biggest Game: Week 4, 2010 (Team Canuckistan 115.10 over Core Protection 100.35)
    • Worst Game: None
Analysis: Blog post on each others homosexuality, claims of possible retardation, unnecessary boasting, and wanting to run the league in their own vision… this is the Team Canuckistan-Core Protection rivalry. A matchup of two of the most outspoken member of the league, you’re sure to hear some crude remarks from these two clubs following the outcome of the game. Then a day later it’s like the game never happened and they’re back to smack talking their opponent. Yet, don’t let their love to crush the spirit of their competition with harsh banter blind you from the seriousness of these two rivals. They want to defeat one another, and they want, no, need the bragging rights. This was only magnified by their week 13 matchup. Core Protection, desperate to make the playoffs, needed a huge win against the SFC’s number one team. Team Canuckistan was in a grudge match with the Mud Eaters to win the Commissioners trophy and blank Core Protection in the season series. In an upset, Core Protection beat Team Canuckistan and dashed their dreams of being the overall number one team.
            Clearly, this game is played on the field as well as the message board. It’s always fun to see what fun names these two are going to call each other. The one thing missing from this rivalry is the big time game. They’ve only played two games, and both of them aren’t headline worthy. A big time playoff game and this rivalry could be in the top three.        

4.      The Ox (R. Oxendine) v. The DAWGS (T. Oxendine):
    • Series Record: Regular (5-2), Post Season (1-0)
    • Biggest Game: 2009 SNFL Championship Game (The Ox 130.78 over The TRONS 122.04)
    • Worst Game: Week 5, 2010 (The Ox 137.85 over The DAWGS 95.15)
Analysis: Anytime two Original Four franchises meet up your're sure to get a great game. This historic blood rivalry pits the only relatives in the SNFL against each other every year. After the end of the Yahoosports league and The Ox victory over The TRONS in the Championship game, many questioned whether the rivalry could continue. The four team league allowed these teams to compete five times in a season, the new format only allowed for two matchups. However, after the completion of the 2010 season, it is clear that the rivalry has lost none of its luster.
            The Brother Bowl has it all; it’s like Peyton v. Eli… almost exactly like Peyton v. Eli. Sadly, what’s keeping this matchup from being in the top three is the lack of performance by The DAWGS. Unlike Peyton v. Eli, the older brother can’t find a break. Their greatest victory came in their second meeting where they won their first game of the season in 2009. More production from The DAWGS, and we’re looking at the greatest rivalry in the league.

3.      Core Protection (Varn) v. Eleven’s Chosen Ones (Robertson):
·         Series Record: Regular (2-0), Post Season (0-1)
·         Biggest Game: 2010 SNFL Playoffs Round 1 (Eleven’s Chosen Ones 131.15 over Core Protection 125.95)
·         Worst Game: Week 1, 2010 (Core Protection 98.45 over Eleven’s Chosen Ones 52.90)
Analysis: Week 1, only 52 points scored?! Are you serious?! That’s how this rivalry started, with every team looking at Eleven’s Chosen Ones as the worst team in the league. Yet, that may dwarf the six game loss streak that Core Protection endured in the middle of the season. At one point Eleven’s Chosen Ones was 3-5 and Core Protection was 2-6. What happened after that morphed this series into a matchup of the hottest teams in the league, in a fight for the last two spots in the SFC playoff bracket. A crucial moment in this rivalry came in week 10 when the 3-6 Core Protection met the 3-6 Eleven’s Chosen Ones. Both teams needed a win to stay in the race, and with 123.75 Core Protection got the win. After that game, everyone expected Eleven’s Chosen Ones to crash and burn, 4 games later Eleven’s Chosen Ones got a rematch with Core Protection… in the playoffs. Infamously named VJaxgate, the game was extremely close, however, after it was deemed Core Protection started Vincent Jackson after the rosters were locked, Eleven’s Chosen Ones got its win, stirring controversy in this up and coming rivalry. 
            This is defiantly one of those rivalry games you should mark on your calendar, though these two teams aren’t without their faults. There is absolutely no smack talk between these two teams. Core Protections owner claims there is some, but I got to see it to believe it. Also, it would appear Core Protection has too many rivalries to call this one the legit number one. A little more smack talk, and a few big games and this matchup could move up fast.

2.      El Cid (Lee) v. Las Tortugas Negras (Wilson):
·         Series Record: (1-1)
·         Biggest Game: Week 1, 2010 (El Cid 79.25 over Las Tortugas Negras 78.95)
·         Worst Game: None
Analysis: Where to begin… In what could be called the greatest single week in SNFL history, the league got introduced to one of the greatest and closest games in league history. With time running out, Las Tortugas Negras only needed a few receiving yards from Antonio Gates. Down to the Chiefs, San Diego was set up to get the game winning TD. This was it; a TD would win it… Phillip Rivers drops back… he looks… AND… nothing. In a heartbreaker El Cid crushed the spirit of Las Tortugas Negras, who started the season 0-3. Both teams would later come close to making the playoffs; however they could not hold back the comebacks of Core Protection and Eleven’s Chosen One’s. Yet, this rivalry is more notable for it offseason developments. Both owners are members of the organization known as the Ethic Super Friends (ESF), and had decided to watch the Carolina-Clemson game at Wild Wings together. However, a sudden dance came up and Wilson chose to attend it, having agreed to attend it months before without knowing the date. In a controversial move, Lee kicked Wilson out of ESF. This development has fueled the already momentous blaze of a rivalry we saw in 2010. Next year should be very entertaining.
            Like the rivalries it beats out, this one has smack talk, general dislike during game time, close games, and big games. Some will debate how big their game are, but when their first matchup was at one point the close game in SNFL history, and their second was for playoff positioning, I’ll count those games a big. Once again, the added controversy should make their games even bigger.

1.      The DAWGS (T. Oxendine) v. Mud Eaters (O’Leary):
·         Series Record: (2-0)
·         Best Game: Week 3, 2010 (The DAWGS 95.30 over Mud Eaters 93.10)
·         Worst Game: None
Analysis: Imagine for a second the Cleveland Browns. The Cleveland Browns and Shitsburgh Steelers have been rivals a long time, and even today the rivalry is fierce. The last time the Cleveland Browns swept the Steelers was in 1988. Imagine if the 2010 Browns swept the 2010 Steelers… embarrassing? That’s exactly what happened in 2010 SNFL season. The Mud Eaters finished the season 12-2, The DAWGS 6-8. The Mud Eaters went to the Championship game; The DAWGS didn’t make the playoffs. The Mud Eaters made trades with The DAWGS that resulted in the Mud Eaters getting Michael Vick and Aaron Rodgers and The DAWGS getting Ryan Grant and Michael Clayton, both went on IR. On the message board, they fought vicious battles on how to run their teams and wavier wire pick ups. O’Leary, the fantasy guru v. T. Oxendine, the football fanatic. When the two teams met in week 3, sparks were already flying. T. Oxendine had already reveled to a close confidant that his top priority for the season was to sweep the Mud Eaters. It didn’t help when the O’Leary decided to change his team photo to a gratuitous image of the New England Patriots’ flying elvis. That was the last straw. In a game decided by the Monday Night game, Packers v. Bears, Aaron Rodgers would face his former team. Late, with the Bears up by more than a field goal, Rodgers had the ball only needing 30 passing yards to surpass The DAWGS score. On a pass to James Jones, Brian Urlacher stripped the ball from Jones, the ball just missing going out of bounds, and the Bears recovered the fumble. From that day on, The DAWGS and Mud Eaters rivalry grew into the greatest rivalry in the SNFL. In week 11 they met again, and in shocking fashion The DAWGS dominated the Mud Eaters, sweeping them for the regular season, and having the distinction as the only team to beat the Mud Eaters in the regular season.
            The only knock this rivalry has against it is that the two teams are on different levels. Yet, when the worst team is the one that sweeps the best team, you got a matchup you never really see in sports. Not to mention, this coming up season, you better believe that the Mud Eaters are going to come out with the determination to shut up The DAWGS and get that first win in the series. If they fall 0-4 to The DAWGS, well there’s nothing to say but… embarrassing.

There you go; my top rivalries of the SNFL. Feel free to debate this list in the comment or on the SNFL Facebook page. Some things to note about the list: all the rivalries are conference rivalries, only the Core Protection-Eleven’s Chosen Ones rivalry had a playoff game against one another this year, and The Ox-The DAWGS rivalry is the only one from the Original Four.
Missed the Cut: Team Canuckistan v. Carnegie PantyRaiders, Team Canuckistan v. The DAWGS.      

-Taylor

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

2010 SNFL Awards

The Commissioners Trophy:
 *Most wins in the regular season

  • Mud Eaters
Points Trophy:
*Most Points in the regular season

  • Mud Eaters
The PWC Trophy:
*SNFL Champion

  • Team Canuckistan
SNFL Trophy:
*Conference with most Bowl Game wins

  • The Sick Football Conference
Owner Of The Year:
*Voted as best owner of the SNFL

  • Kevin O’Leary
SNFL MVP:
*Voted as most valuable fantasy player

  • Arian Foster (Mud Eaters)
SNFL All-Pro Team:
*Voted as the best player at their position

QB: Michael Vick (Mud Eaters)
RB: *Arian Foster (Mud Eaters)
RB: Jamaal Charles (Core Protection)
WR: *Brandon Lloyd (The Ox)
WR: Roddy White (Core Protection)
WR: Dwayne Bowe (Carnegie PantyRaiders)
TE: Antonio Gates (Las Tortugas Negras)
K: David Akers (Core Protection)
DEF: Pittsburgh Steelers (Eleven’s Chosen Ones)

*Denotes starters


-Taylor

Thursday, December 30, 2010

PWC Bowl II - Weekend Preview

This came as a result of me being bored with no internet access last night. The file is huge (relatively small compared to my penis etc etc) and it might take a bit to load, so be patient. Enjoy!

(Click on the image for full size)


-Jon

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Power Rankings: Week 14

 TEAM RANK    REC     WHAT WE'VE LEARNED
SNFL Andre Johnson's Fist    1 (1)   11-2
As much as we all hoped and prayed this entire season, Arian Foster did not get injured. Should we just give up and name Kevin the winner now?

SNFL Chronic Habsturbators    2 (2)   9-4
Is this team the fantasy equivalent of the Colts? So far they own the best regular-season record over 2 years (19-8) but have still not won a playoff game.
SNFL The Ox    3 (3)   8-5
Apparently drafting Owen Daniels in the 3rd round and a kicker in the 6th round gets you to the playoffs. Take notes kids!
SNFL Core Protection    4 (5)   6-7
If Fred wins any more games, we should probably get used to hearing WOOOSH OH MY DICK WOOSH I AM SO HARD WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH
SNFL Carnegie PantyRaiders    5 (4)   6-7
I thought Frank Gore's injury was just a fluke, but have Bowe's and Hillis' recent performances proven that karma indeed exists?
SNFL The DAWGS    6 (6)   5-7
For one, we learned Taylor really sucks cock at picking starters. And now with Taylor out, there's nobody left who can beat Kevin.
SNFL El Cid    7 (8)   6-7
This team will need strong performances from Cris Johson, Joe Flatto, Reggye Waine, and Josh Sccoobbe in order to beat Anrde Johnsin's Fist and secure a playoff berth.
SNFL Eleven's Chosen Ones    8 (7)   5-8
It's pretty amazing that this team is still in playoff contention after spending most of the season in last place. Props to Garrick for the clutch turnaround.
SNFL themadoompaloompas    9 (9)   4-9
A loss this week would equal The TRONS' record for worst regular season percentage. Too bad last place teams don't get a free pass to playoffs this year
SNFL Las Tortugas Negras  10 (10)   5-8
What is there left to say? I mean Quinton didn't draft his team so he (kinda) has an excuse, but finishing the season behind Bhavik in power rankings? That's just embarrassing.


LEGEND
            Clinched playoff spot
            Clinched playoff bye
            Eliminated from playoffs

-Jon

10 Questions

Since Taylor is gay and Jonathan won't post his Power Rankings until someone posts 10 Q's here is my take of the classic article:

*1. Mud Eaters: Is Jonathan gay?

*2. Team Canuckistan: Why IS the owner of this team so gay?

*3.The Ox: Jonathan's penis is rumored to be approximately 4 inches but is it true?

4. Carnegie PantyRaiders: Why is this team so lucky?

5. Core Protection: Why is the owner of this team so damn fine?

6. Red Tiger: If Jonathan is gay in the middle of a forest and no one is there to hear him is he still gay?

7. The DAWGS: Why is Cooper so afraid of the water? Is he like Jonathan (gay)?

8. Eleven's Chosen Ones: Why the FUCK were you done with exams before I was done with classes?

9. Las Tortugas Negras: If I told you that Jonathan used the word niggers in every other sentence would you be mad at him?

10. themadoompaloompas: Is Bhavik really small or just Iodine deficient?

There you go. The special edition of 10 Q's.

*- indicates playoff berth

-Fred

Friday, December 3, 2010

Quick Picks

Abridged picks this week. Sorry I didn't release them last week. Thanksgiving break kept me away from the computer. Anyway...

Game of the Week: Eleven's Chosen Ones vs. Las Tortugas Negras.
This is an elimination game for the playoffs. Essentially, the loser is out, and the winner still will need some help but has a good shot of going to the playoffs.
Who wins it: Eleven's Chosen Ones

Game 2: Core Protection Phoenix vs. The Chronic Habsturbators
The classic rematch of the "Core Bowl." The Chronic Habsturbators have locked playoffs and first round bye, Core Protection needs one more win to lock playoffs. Lately The Chronic Habsturbators have been down and Core Protection has been up. Should be a close one.
Who wins it: Core Protection Phoenix

Game 3: Andre Johnson's Fist vs. themadoompaloompas
...Seriously?
Who wins it: Andre Johnson's Fist

Game 4: The DAWGS vs. The Ox
This game also is important to the playoffs. The Ox needs one more win to lock up playoffs, while the DAWGS must win this game to stay in the playoff race. If the Ox loses this one they will be in serious danger of falling out of playoff contention to The DAWGS.
Who wins it: The Ox

Game 5: The Redskins of Fantasy Land vs. The Carnegie PantyRaiders
The Redskins of Fantasy Land have been looking a lot like early season Core Protection lately. They are on a L4 streak and will have a very hard time making it to the playoffs if they do not in this game. A win by the PantyRaiders will lock up a playoff spot for them.
Who wins it: The Carnegie PantyRaiders

The playoff picture will look much clearer after this week.
Good luck!

By the way I still have yet to go 5-0. Maybe this week?

-Fred

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Power Rankings: Week 13

 TEAM RANK    REC     WHAT WE'VE LEARNED
SNFL Andre Johnson's Fist
   1 (1)   10-2
I'm not sure which was more brutal, Andre Johnson's ass-whooping of Cortland Finnegan or Kevin's ass-whooping of Las Tortugas Negras...

SNFL Chronic Habsturbators
   2 (2)   9-3
This team is quietly riding a W4 streak, but has not finished in the top 5 week points since Week 6. However they also have a free ride to the SFC Championship so none of the next 3 weeks even matter.
SNFL The Ox    3 (3)   7-5
Despite losing to the PantyRaiders in Week 12, they put up a strong showing that would have beaten most other teams. Just one more win will guarantee a playoff spot.
SNFL Carnegie PantyRaiders    4 (4)   6-6
Karma, thy name is Frank Gore.
SNFL Phoenix of the Core    5 (6)   5-7
Was I the only one who had counted them out after a 2-6 start? Playing in what is generally considered as the "weaker" conference may have helped a bit with this team's resurrection however.
SNFL The DAWGS    6 (5)   5-7
In true Taylor style, here's a fun Youtube Video that probably has nothing to do with anything but I'll post it anyway.
SNFL Eleven's Chosen Ones    7 (9)   4-8
Has anyone besides Fred even seen Garrick since the draft? What if Garrick's team is actually a ploy by Fred to boost his own team's status? Would anyone be surprised?
SNFL Redskins of Fantasy Land    8 (8)   5-7
What does it mean to be the Redskins of Fantasy Land? Being the most valuable SNFL franchise? Being the weakest link in your division? Having no chance at playoffs? Who knows...
SNFL themadoompaloompas
  9 (10)   4-8
It only took 12 weeks for Bhavik to get his team out of the last rank! Which means he should achieve 8th place sometime between Weeks 9 and 10 of next year.
SNFL Las Tortugas Negras   10 (7)   5-7
I imagine the Week 13 battle between this team and Eleven's Chosen Ones will look something like this

LEGEND
            Clinched playoff spot
            Clinched playoff bye
            Eliminated from playoffs


Note that themadoompaloompas are still mathematically in playoff contention, but would have to win both of their remaining games while the PantyRaiders and DAWGS lose both of theirs, and outscore the PantyRaiders by at least 213 points over the course of those two games. So I think it's safe to say they won't make it. Sorry Bhavik, at least you'll get an early draft pick next year.

That's all for this week, I wish everyone except Fred good luck in your matchups.

Vincere est totum,
Victoria aut mors,
Vivat SFC!


-Jon