Picks: Week 8

Since Fred is too much of a lazy dickbreath to do picks, I'll pick for him. Let it be known that these picks WILL count toward his picking record. Here goes.

Game of the Week: Red Tiger vs. themadoompaloompas
Who wins it: themadoompaloompas
Why: Easy. Bhavik is on a W2 streak. And we all know it is physically impossible to lose when you're on a winning streak. Plus everyone knows Koreans only win at Starcraft and communism.
Margin of victory: Over 9000 points

Game 2: Core Protection 3D vs. Mud Eaters
Who wins it: Core Protection 3D
Why: Once again, easy. What do you think will happen if a 3D football player (CP3D) runs into a 2D football player (Mud Eaters)? Exactly, the 2D player will be crushed like paper is crushed by rock in the popular game of Rock Paper Scissors. Wait shit, that's a bad example. But 3D > 2D, trust me. PUT ON YOUR 3D GLASSES SON!
Margin of victory: e^x points where x = 3

Game 3: Team Canuckistan vs. The Ox
Who wins it: Team Canuckistan
Why: As we all know, when Ryan doesn't switch out his bye-week players, his QB will throw for 6 TDs in the first half. He's at a 100% success rate on that already so it WILL happen this week. However, since I'm impersonating Fred here, I have to pick myself to win regardless of how stacked the odds are against me.
Margin of victory: 69 points (Final score will be 188-119, you heard it here first)

Game 4: The DAWGS vs. Disciples of Eleven
Who wins it: Disciples of Eleven
Why: Because Taylor's gay.
Margin of victory: π points

Game 5: Las Tortugas Negras vs. Carnegie PantyRaiders
Who wins it: Las Tortugas Negras
Why: After losing last week, Quinton is sure to play the race card (again) and fantasy football will have to let him win if it doesn't want to be called racist. But Quinton can't really do anything about it cause he left his shank at my house like 3 years ago.
Margin of victory: Fried chicken and grape drank

There you have it, I'm ready to go 5-0 this week. Fred's current picking record of 16-14 will soon be 21-14. You're welcome in advance breh.

-Jon