Picks: Week 8

Since Fred is too much of a lazy dickbreath to do picks, I'll pick for him. Let it be known that these picks WILL count toward his picking record. Here goes.

Game of the Week: Red Tiger vs. themadoompaloompas
Who wins it: themadoompaloompas
Why: Easy. Bhavik is on a W2 streak. And we all know it is physically impossible to lose when you're on a winning streak. Plus everyone knows Koreans only win at Starcraft and communism.
Margin of victory: Over 9000 points

Game 2: Core Protection 3D vs. Mud Eaters
Who wins it: Core Protection 3D
Why: Once again, easy. What do you think will happen if a 3D football player (CP3D) runs into a 2D football player (Mud Eaters)? Exactly, the 2D player will be crushed like paper is crushed by rock in the popular game of Rock Paper Scissors. Wait shit, that's a bad example. But 3D > 2D, trust me. PUT ON YOUR 3D GLASSES SON!
Margin of victory: e^x points where x = 3

Game 3: Team Canuckistan vs. The Ox
Who wins it: Team Canuckistan
Why: As we all know, when Ryan doesn't switch out his bye-week players, his QB will throw for 6 TDs in the first half. He's at a 100% success rate on that already so it WILL happen this week. However, since I'm impersonating Fred here, I have to pick myself to win regardless of how stacked the odds are against me.
Margin of victory: 69 points (Final score will be 188-119, you heard it here first)

Game 4: The DAWGS vs. Disciples of Eleven
Who wins it: Disciples of Eleven
Why: Because Taylor's gay.
Margin of victory: π points

Game 5: Las Tortugas Negras vs. Carnegie PantyRaiders
Who wins it: Las Tortugas Negras
Why: After losing last week, Quinton is sure to play the race card (again) and fantasy football will have to let him win if it doesn't want to be called racist. But Quinton can't really do anything about it cause he left his shank at my house like 3 years ago.
Margin of victory: Fried chicken and grape drank

There you have it, I'm ready to go 5-0 this week. Fred's current picking record of 16-14 will soon be 21-14. You're welcome in advance breh.

-Jon

Power Rankings - Week 8

I've decided to try something a little bit different for my What We've Learned column this week. I'm doing this is the style of the NFL Power Rankings (For those of you who don't know what Power Rankings are, click here. Basically I'll be ranking the teams according to a top-secret formula (a.k.a. who I think is better) and adding a short "What We've Learned" blurb for each. Enjoy.

	TEAM	RANK	REC	WHAT WE'VE LEARNED
	Mud Eaters	1	6-1	After a convincing win over (former) #1 Team Canuckistan, there is no doubt in anyone's mind who the team to beat is.
	Team Canuckistan	2	5-2	The loss of TE Dallas Clark may hurt this team more than we thought. A rebound win against The Ox could do wonders for this team's morale.
	Red Tiger	3	4-3	How this team is able to keep winning record with #1 draft pick Chris Johnson putting up such mediocre numbers is beyond me.
	The DAWGS	4	4-3	Taylor actually does pretty well when he's not being traderaped by Kevin. Let's see if he's learned his lesson about intraconference trading.
	Carnegie PantyRaiders	5	3-4	After being repeatedly killed by MNF in earlier weeks, Jaime accomplished the single clutchest (is that a word?) comeback in the history of the SNFL - and probably all of fantasy football
	The Ox	6	4-3	This team has a decent record, but its lack of a bench will hurt during the bye weeks especially this week, when he will be reduced to only 1 running back.
	Las Tortugas Negras	7	3-4	This team can only go as far as first-round pick Drew Brees will take them. And lately, Brees has been going nowhere.
	Core Protection II	8	2-5	The second version of Core Protection (also known as The Core Oompaloompas) is much better than the first. Unfortunately for this team, Romo's injury on Monday night cost them a sure win.
	Disciples of Eleven	9	2-5	Definitely the most inconsistent team in the SNFL, we're sure to see flashes of brilliance in the coming weeks, but will it be enough?
	themadoompaloompas	10	2-5	It won't be long until Bhavik can no longer be the laughingstock of the SNFL. A win this week could point to an epic comeback. Yeah, I said it.

That's it for this week! As Jon LaJoie would say, "I'm out of here, I gotta go have sex with A LOT of girls."

-Jon

10 Questions

This is a special week for 10 Questions, after last week’s NFC shutout with every team winning with 100+ points (which I will now call this amazing feat the Nasty Trick), I will now unveil a brand new ranking strategy. 

1. Mud Eaters: This team is plugging in players at the right time, but how long can their streak last?

2. The Ox: This team is doing what they did last year, riding on the points from their running game, but with the high scoring Team Canuckistan up next, can Peterson (gulp) run all over the Patriots D?

3. The DAWGS: After watching Tony Romo go down with a game ending injury, does this team finally have someone to share their pain?

4. Carnegie PantyRaiders: Since this team didn’t even realize they had a chance to win their game on Monday Night, do they even deserve their .15 win?

5. themadoompaloompas: How screwed would this team be if they had actually traded Michael Turner?

6. Team Canuckistan: Why does this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNh4wPZbJ7Q remind me of their game last week?

7. Red Tiger: Is this the most underrated team in the SNFL or can they just not win the big game?

8. Las Tortugas Negras: Does everyone now understand why I don’t include Drew Brees in any conversation that includes Tom “MAI BOI” Brady and Peyton Manning?

9. Core Protection II: I guess the sequel is never better than the original? 

10. The Disciples of Eleven: They’re not as bad as their record indicates, but is next week’s game a must win? 

-Taylor

Week 7 Recap

I don't even know what to say about this week. I can't even make fun of Bhavik, what is wrong with the world?

Results
2. Mud Eaters def 1. Team Canuckistan (by 47.15 points)
6. The DAWGS def 3. Red Tiger (by 22.55 points)
4. The Ox def 8. Disciples of Eleven (by 28.50 points)
10. themadoompaloompas def 5. Las Tortugas Negras (by 20.65 points)
7. Carnegie PantyRaiders def 9. Core Protection II (by 0.15 points)

Record Update
Carnegie PantyRaiders (McDermott): Smallest margin of victory - 0.15 points against Core Protection II (Varn)
Previous record of 0.30 points was held by Red Tiger (Lee) over Las Tortugas Negras (Wilson) in Week 1 of the 2010 season

Record Watch
Core Protection (Varn) has now tied themadoompaloompas' (Patel) record of 5 losses in a row.

Conference Stats
SFC vs. NFC record: 6-9
SFC Total Points: 3331.10
NFC Total Points: 3427.25

Analysis of the Week
This week's featured stat is sponsored by Being Fed Up With Bullshit Defenses^TM!! Here is an analysis of the two most underrated positions in fantasy football, kickers and defenses. I've compiled each team's total points in these categories, as well as their weekly average. I was feeling artsy, so the highest scorers are highlighted with warm colors (because they are "hot," see what I did there??) and the lowest scorers are highlighted with cool colors. Enjoy.

Rank/Team Name	K	K Avg	DEF	D Avg
Mud Eaters	47	6.64	83	11.86
Team Canuckistan	64	9.14	24	3.43
Red Tiger	59	8.36	60	8.57
The Ox	67	9.50	69	9.86
The DAWGS	74	10.57	75	10.72
Carnegie PantyRaiders	55	7.79	71	10.14
Las Tortugas Negras	72	10.29	61	8.71
Core Protection II	45	6.36	84	12.00
Disciples of Eleven	52	7.36	92	13.14
themadoompaloompas	38	5.43	106	15.14

As you can see, all my defenses combined over the first 7 weeks don't even add up to Taylor's Redskins D this week. Seriously, WTF is this.

Anyway, enjoy the rest of this retarded faggot ni- (caught myself there sorry Quinton) week, see you in week 8, etc etc.

-Jon

Analysis of Tony Romo

Tony Romo is a faggot.

Picks: Week 7

Interesting. My SFC picking strategy put me at 3-2 last week. Maybe there's something to this. Anyway I don't have a lot of time right now so I'm going to give an abridged version of my picks.

Game of the Week: The Mud Eaters vs. Team Canuckistan

Who wins it: Team Canuckistan

Why: Its simple. The Mud Eaters are the best of the Nasty Conference. Team Canuckistan is the best of the Sick Conference. SFC > NFC. Easy.

Margin of Victory: 10 points

Game 2: Core Protection II vs. The Carnegie PantyRaiders

Who wins it: Carnegie PantyRaiders

Why: Core Protection is going through a midseason crisis after being defeated by previously 0-6 madoompaloompas. He has completely restructured his team this week, resulting in Core Protection II but I don't know if it will be enough to beat the #3 team in points for.

Margin of Victory: 15 points

Game 3: themadoompaloompas vs. Las Tortugas Negras

Who wins it: themadoompaloompas

Why: If Bhavik can win once he can win again. He has been criminalized for "giving all his good players to Core Protection" but I think we will find his team still has a few tricks.

Margin of Victory: 5 points

Game 4: The DAWGS vs. Red Tiger

Who wins it: Red Tiger

Why: Speaking of controversial trades, the DAWGS have made a few. The DAWGS are playing down this week against a strong SFC opponent. This spells certain NFC disaster.

Margin of Victory: 10 points

Game 5: The Ox vs. The Disciples of Eleven

Who wins it: The Ox

Why: Maybe Ryan knew what he was doing when he picked some sleepers in the draft. His starting lineup certainly has some strong players. A kicker in the sixth round was just unnecessary though.

Margin of Victory: 15 points

For those keeping score at home I am currently 13-12.

-Fred

Midseason Awards

It’s the half way point of the season, and playoff contenders are beginning to separate from playoff pretenders. But, before we get to the postseason, I’ll take a look at who would win awards if the season ended today.

Premature Playoff Picture:

SFC: 1. Team Canuckistan, 2. Red Tiger, 3. Las Tortugas Negras  

NFC: 1. Mud Eaters, 2. The Ox, 3. The DAWGS

Commissioner’s Trophy (Most wins)

- Team Canuckistan

SFC Champion

- Team Canuckistan

NFC Champion

- Mud Eaters

Owner of the Year

- Bhavik Patel

Fantasy MVP (Player with most points)

- Peyton Manning

SNFL MVP (Overall best player)

- Arian Foster

The Sick Nasty Award (Given to the owner who exemplifies the principles of the SNFL)

- Quinton Wilson  

The PWC Trophy

- ????????? (We shall see)

Good luck to you my fellow SNFL owners,

LONG LIVE THE SNFL

-Taylor