Week 12 Recap

After a short hiatus, recaps and power rankings will return this week. I'd say Thanksgiving was my excuse but Canadian Thanksgiving was a month ago and I was just being a lazy fuck. So here goes.

Results
1. Mud Eaters def 7. Las Tortugas Negras
2. Team Canuckistan def 9. Eleven's Chosen Ones
4. Carnegie PantyRaiders def 3. The Ox
10. themadoomploompas def 5. The DAWGS
6. Core Protection def 8. Red Tiger

Conference Stats
SFC Total Points: 5144.95
NFC Total Points: 5568.30
SFC vs NFC Record: 10-13

Featured Analysis
This week's featured analysis is more of a what-if thing. I changed the scoring system according to some ideas we had for next year's system. This method weighs touchdowns less and yards more to prevent the dreaded "vulture effect." This is just an experiment, we'll be discussing the actual changes at the SNFLOA meeting before the start of next season.

So the table you see shows each team's Points For (PF) with the Old system and the New system, the difference in score between Old and New, and the change in wins (for example, a +2 in this column would mean that the team got 2 more wins under the new system than the old)

Team Name	PF-Old	PF-New	Change	Wins
Mud Eaters	1373	1412	39	-1
Team Canuckistan	1223	1268	45	-2
The Ox	1240	1292	53	+1
Carnegie PantyRaiders	1286	1345	59	-1
Core Protection	1182	1273	91	+1
The DAWGS	1166	1203	38	+1
Red Tiger	1082	1144	63	0
Las Tortugas Negras	1049	1103	54	0
Eleven's Chosen Ones	1126	1185	61	+1
themadoompaloompas	1073	1122	49	0

Oh and sorry for the false alarm with power rankings last week, but I'll definitely be doing them this week. Send me your ranks, you know the drill.

-Jon

10 Questions

 I know what you’re saying… “Taylor!!! Tom Brady and the New England Patriots just won the best regular season game of the year!!!! However, you barely celebrated, not even a ‘TD LORD BRADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ What gives?!” Relax football fans… I got your back. Did you really think I wouldn’t celebrate my ass off?! Sure, The DAWGS just finished sweeping the Mud Eaters, the only team to beat and not lose to the Mud Eaters, but Brady over Manning is just soooooo much more important. Besides, I’ll have plenty of time to celebrate The DAWGS after the NFC Championship game (Yeah I said it!!). But for now, 10 Questions has been reinvented to show some of the best moments of MAI BOI, and your Lord, Tom Brady’s career. (Note: I tried to make each video relevant to each person… some of them don’t have anything to do with you, they’re just awesome, but for others they are just another example of how the Patriots are better than your team.)

1. Mud Eaters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akiy2w9D5bU

2. Team Canuckistan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGWjti8fWAs

3. The Ox: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ7pfVVMHVM&feature=related

4. Carnegie PantyRaiders: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1s4ReSvjyA&feature=related

5. Red Tiger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkIAWVThMUM

6. The DAWGS: http://www.nfl.com/videos/new-england-patriots/09000d5d803e858a/NFL-GameDay-Patriots-vs-Colts-highlights

7. Las Tortugas Negras: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZpPIXFfUno&feature=related

8. Core Protection: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I5VazvGy4M

9. The Disciples of Eleven: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmDc8Rsy2f4&feature=related

10. themadoompaloompas: http://www.nfl.com/videos/new-england-patriots/09000d5d8037e850/NFL-GameDay-Patriots-vs-Dolphins-highlights

And just incase you missed one of the best games of the Patriots-Colts rivalry I have your back: http://www.nfl.com/videos/new-england-patriots/09000d5d81c4de9a/GameDay-Colts-vs-Patriots-highlights

-Taylor

Power Rankings: Week 11

I apologize for the delay but I haven't had much time to do the rankings this week. And seeing as it's Friday night I don't really feel like writing anything, so you'll have to live without What We've Learned this week. So here are the rankings according to the average of the 6 people who voted this week.

The usual ranking format should be back for next week, so don't forget to submit your votes by Wednesday.

	TEAM	RANK	REC	WHAT WE'VE LEARNED
	Mud Eaters	1 (1)	9-1	SHIVA
	Chronic Habsturbators	2 (3)	7-3	KAMINI
	The Ox	3 (2)	6-4	SOMAR
	Carnegie PantyRaiders	4 (4)	4-6	KANDAR
	The DAWGS	5 (5)	4-6	KRAM
	The Corepire Protects Back	6 (6)	4-6	SHIVA
	Las Tortugas Negras	7 (9)	5-5	KAMINI
	Red Tiger	8 (7)	5-5	SOMAR
	Disciples of Eleven	9 (8)	3-7	KANDAR
	themadoompaloompas	10 (10)	3-7	KRAM

Vincere est totum,
Victoria aut mors,
Vivat SFC!

-Jon

Picks: Week 11

I apologize SNFLers. I have a service to uphold and have been doing a poor job of it. I have been very busy this semester and have been unable to pick every week. This week's picks are for you guys. With every team still in the playoffs race this week should be huge. So let's get down to the picks.

Game of the Week:

Red Tiger vs. Eleven's Chosen Ones

This game decides so much. The loser of this game is nearly knocked out of the playoff race in the SFC, while the winner gets a huge boost there. Red Tiger has been up and down all season, but as of late they are going through a slump. Eleven's Chosen Ones have been even more up and down this season. They also are in a slump. Any team can win this and it is anybody's guess as to who will. Luckily your "master picker" thinks he knows.

Who wins it: Eleven's Chosen Ones

Why: Both teams have ridiculous matchups this week and will put up quite a few points. While Red Tiger appears to have the better players, Eleven's Chosen Ones have been putting up better numbers as of late. The lack of an RB2 will also come back to haunt Red Tiger this game.

Game 2: Core Protection vs. The Ox

This game means a whole lot more for Core Protection than it does the Ox. The Ox has 4 games to secure one win to get into the playoffs while Core Protection needs to win out or come close to it. As of late Core Protection has been putting up points well over the 100 mark and they have become very top heavy. To win this though,they will need to play their best football against the dominating Ox.

Who wins it: Core Protection

Why: This team needs the win more, and I think it will show as they take on The Ox. Core Protection's players play with heart and they have huge momentum going into this one. It won't be easy though and expect the Ox to easily eclipse 100.

Game 3: Team Canuckistan vs. Las Tortugas Negras

This game is another important one. At least for Las Tortugas Negras. Team Canuckistan has locked up their playoff appearance, but a win here will go a long way for their first round bye. On the other hand, Las Tortugas almost MUST win this one to stay hopeful in the playoffs. A loss here could be devastating but it will not eliminate them completely. Team Canuckistan looks to rebound after four shitty games in a row and keep his #1 points for ranking in the SFC.

Who wins it: Team Canuckistan

Why: Team Canuckistan has struggled these past four weeks, but Las Tortugas Negras has struggled far worse. Las Tortugas Negras did have a huge upset over Red Tiger last week, but both teams were low scoring. Do not expect the same thing against the mighty Canucks.

Game 4: The Carnegie PantyRaiders vs. themadoompaloompas

The Carnegie PantyRaiders have been nothing but lucky this season. Of course there was their epic comeback vs. Core Protection, but let's also not forget Jeff Reed's missed field goal in the final seconds vs. The DAWGS and of course their 130 point game keeping them from having the highest margin of defeat in SNFL history. themadoompaloompas are one loss away from being completely eliminated from playoff contention. This game means everything to them.

Who wins it: The Carnegie PantyRaiders

Why: They are so lucky. Expect this one to go into MNF and then some bullshit happens. But in all honesty The Carnegie PantyRaiders quietly have the #2 points for in the SNFL and should easily overcome themadoompaloompas #10 points for ranking.

Game 5: The Mud Eaters vs. The DAWGS

The Mud Eaters are one game away from locking up a first round bye in the playoffs, while the DAWGS are one loss away from extremely decreased playoff hopes. The DAWGS have shown heart in their games so far this season, and always show up against The Mud Eaters. Expect both teams to play hard this week.

Who wins it: The DAWGS

Why: The DAWGS are the only team who have beaten the Mud Eaters this season, and don't think it was a fluke. Expect Tom Brady to lead the DAWGS to a stunning NFC upset that puts The DAWGS front and center for that third NFC playoff spot.

There you have it. Good luck to everyone this week.

-Fred

Playoff Race Update

We have now gone through 10 weeks of intense battle and the playoff race is finally taking a clear, distinct shape. With all teams still technically in playoff contention you need a guide. I am going to walk you through each team's playoff chances and tell what each team has to do to win.

SFC:

Team Canuckistan: This team is the only team in the SFC who has locked up a playoff spot. At 7-3 he is also favored to finish first in the SFC and get the first round bye. To guarantee this he must win 2 games, however that is assuming that either Red Tiger, Las Tortugas Negras, or Core Protection win out. One game will most likely be adequate.

Playoff Chance: 100%

First Round Bye Chance: 80%

Red Tiger: They are at 5-5 and have been off and on lately. To secure a playoff spot this team needs to win at most 2 more games, though one more win might cut it if the other SFC opponents lose to their NFC opponents. To get the first round bye this team must win out or Team Canuckistan must lose out.

Playoff Chance: 70%

First Round Bye Chance: 10%

Las Tortugas Negras: The Black Turtles are also at 5-5 and have been just as off and on. Their win over Red Tiger really boosted them back into the playoff race. However, they are last place in the SFC in points for and you have to wonder if their luck will catch up to them. To get to the playoffs they must win at most 2 more games, though one win might cut it if the other SFC opponents lose to their NFC opponents. To get the first round bye this team must win out or Team Canuckistan must lose out.

Playoff Chance: 50%

First Round Bye Chance: 5%

Core Protection: This team has been the hottest in the SFC as of late, dominating the SFC in points for the past 2 games. After a L6 streak many counted this team out of the playoffs, however if this team wins 3 of their next 4 games playoffs will be guaranteed, and going 2-2 might get them in. The first round bye is still possible for this team too, however they would need to win out and have Team Canuckistan lose out, along with having Las Tortugas Negras and Red Tiger go 2-2 each.

Playoff Chance: 50%

First Round Bye Chance: 5%

Eleven's Chosen Ones: This team is better than their record indicates. They are third in points for behind Team Canuckistan and Core Protection. That is including two worst score of all time performances. To get to the playoffs they almost have to win out. There is a slight chance that they can lose one more but they would need a lot of help from the NFC to get to the playoffs at 6-8. They are completely out of contention for the first round bye.

Playoff Chance: 25%

First Round Bye Chance: 0%

NFC:

The Mud Eaters: No team has been stronger than the Mud Eaters this season, and at 9-1 they have locked up the playoffs and are one win from locking up a first round bye. There is a good chance they could lose out and still have the first round bye, but that would require The Ox to win 3 of their next 4 on top of The Mud Eaters already losing out. The future is bright for The Mud Eaters.

Playoff Chance: 100%

First Round Bye Chance: 95%

The Ox: The Ox has been one of this seasons surprises. At 6-4 this team has not yet secured a playoff position but is one more game from making it likely, and two more games from guaranteeing it. They are also the only other team in the running for the first round bye but they need The Mud Eaters to lose out and they need to win out to have a chance at it.

Playoff Chance: 95%

First Round Bye Chance: 5%

The Carnegie PantyRaiders: This team has clawed its way back into the playoff race but is under no circumstances guaranteed a spot. The battle for this last playoff spot is going to be intense with the PantyRaiders tied with The DAWGS and only one game in front of themadoompaloompas. To get to the playoffs they need to win three more to be likely and win out to guarantee a spot. The team with the best record in the next four weeks will get that coveted third spot.

Playoff Chance: 35%

First Round Bye Chance: 0%

The DAWGS: The DAWGS are fourth in the NFC for the first time in a while. They have the same record as The Carnegie PantyRaiders but are being dominated by points for which makes you wonder which team is more legitimate. To get to the playoffs they must beat the Carnegie PantyRaiders in record the last four games this season, and make sure themadoompaloompas don't catch them offguard.

Playoff Chance: 15%

First Round Bye Chance: 0%

themadoompaloompas: This team is somehow still in the playoff race, but barely. To get to the playoffs they MUST win out, and seeing as how they are last in the SNFL in points for, this will be extremely difficult. They may be the first team completely knocked out of the playoff race with a game against The Carnegie PantyRaiders this week.

Playoff Chance: 1%

First Round Bye Chance: 0%

And there you have it. As expert picker I am sure you all are wondering who I have in the playoffs right now. Here is my list, they are listed in order of how I think each team will finish. Asterisk denotes first round bye and regular season conference champ.

SFC:

Team Canuckistan*

Red Tiger

Core Protection

NFC:

The Mud Eaters*

The Ox

Carnegie PantyRaiders

I will update you on the race again next week.

-Fred

10 Questions

1. Mud Eaters: After their performance last week, should we just go ahead and give them the PWC Trophy?

2. Team Canuckistan: With Mud Eaters drawing all the attention, how “under the radar” can this team get?

3. The Ox: With marching band season over and final exams coming up, could this team dominate the last few weeks of the regular season… like last year?

4. Red Tiger: How surprising is it that after going 3-2 in their first 5 games, they’ve gone 2-3 in the past 5?

5. Las Tortugas Negras: How much more surprising is it that they’ve gone 3-2 in the past 5 games, after starting the season 0-3.   

6. Carnegie PantyRaiders: They failed to capitalize on securing playoff positioning, but with only 1 of their 4 remaining games against a team on a winning streak, will that all change?

7. The DAWGS: After winning 7 straight games... NO ONE BUT THIS TEAM CAN BEAT THE MUD EATERS?!  

8. Core Protection: They’ve won 2 straight, but why do I have a bad feeling about that?

9. The Disciples of Eleven: How much does this team hate The DAWGS after seeing what Michael Vick did on Monday Night Football?

10. themadoompaloompas: How amazing is it that this team has a chance to be in the playoffs?

-Taylor

Week 10 Recap

As opposed to writing a recap, I'll just leave this picture here.



Results
1. The One Cut Back def 5. Carnegie PantyRaiders
2. Chronic Habsturbators def 6. The DAWGS
3. The Ox def 10. themadoompaloompas
7. Las Tortugas Negras def 4. Red Tiger
8. Core Protection Awakening def 9. Eleven's Chosen Ones

Record Update
Highest Point Total (Game): The One Cut Back (O'Leary) with 167.85 points
Previously held by Snappin Turtles (Wilson) with 145.10 points in Week 7, 2009 season

Conference Stats
SFC vs NFC record: 10-12
SFC Total Points: 4741.20
NFC Total Points: 4999.50

Everyone enjoy your Vick-free week! (Everyone except Taylor that is)

-Jon

Picks: Week 10

Once again, Fred was too lazy/retarded to do picks this week. He told me what his picks were so here they are. No reasons given because it's not my problem to make up for what he's too lazy to do.

Picks
Fred, Jon, Jaime, Ryan, John win.

-Jon

Bhavik

Hey is Bhavik really small or just Iodine deficient?

For the life of me I cannot figure it out. Post your thoughts in comments and we'll figure this out together.

-Fred

Power Rankings - Week 10

I've used a slightly different method for the Power Rankings this week. Instead of just deciding on the rankings myself, I've also tallied votes from an anonymous committee of SNFL owners in order to get a more accurate representation of where each team stands.

In the future, if you want your vote to count for the Power Rankings, send me a Facebook message with your ranks (1-10) just like we did in the preseason - but make sure you've sent it by Wednesday each week or I won't be able to include you.

	TEAM	RANK	REC	WHAT WE'VE LEARNED
	The One Cut Back	1 (1)	8-1	You know what this team needs? Injuries. Lots and lots of injuries. Not that it matters, since they've already clinched playoffs...
	The Ox	2 (3)	5-4	Despite losing this week, a decent performance without the dynamic duo of Orton and Lloyd shows that this team is on the rise. Anyone else seeing flashbacks of last season?
	Chronic Habsturbators	3 (2)	6-3	A woefully weak win in week 9 (alliteration anyone?) has dropped this team behind Ryan's in the rankings. But watch out this week, they'll want blood to avenge last season's early playoff exit at the hands of The DAWGS.
	Carnegie PantyRaiders	4 (7)	4-5	After a strong win in Week 9, it's no wonder this team shot up 3 positions in the Power Rankings. But can the hot streak continue against the #1 team in the SNFL?
	The DAWGS	5 (4)	4-5	We all thought justice had come when this team was 1 FG away from giving Jaime a taste of his own medicine (See Week 7 vs. Fred). Too bad his kicker was Jeff Reed, the most unclutch player in the NFL.
	The Corepire Protects Back	6 (8)	3-6	After trading away over 75% of his team in somewhat questionable deals, surely Fred had to start winning some games, right? And amazingly enough, this team is still in playoff contention despite a 2-6 start.
	Red Tiger	7 (5)	5-4	Despite holding onto a winning record, things seem to be spiraling down for this team, which has gone 2-4 since Week 3. Team owner John's unwillingness to make trades could doom them to a finish out of the playoffs.
	Disciples of Eleven	8 (9)	3-6	Despite the loss, our panel of voters unanimously decided that this team should move up in the rankings, because two decent performances in a row could mean that they are finally out of their slump.
	Las Tortugas Negras	9 (6)	4-5	Speaking of being in a slump, Quaaa-aaah's team has only scored above 100 points twice this season, and hasn't done so since Week 5. Another loss would drop them out of their playoff spot.
	themadoompaloompas	10 (10)	3-6	It's only a matter of time until Bhavik rises up out of last place. Let's not get ahead of ourselves though, his team was drafted by a guy who got CJ Spiller in the 3rd round.

Vincere est totum,
Victoria aut mors,
Vivat SFC!

-Jon

10 Questions

1. Mud Eaters: At this point, can we go ahead and say that they’re in the playoffs?

2. Team Canuckistan: Will this team be able to avenge the greatest upset in league history?

3. The Ox: Carson Palmer isn’t helping them win, so how happy is this team that Kyle Orton’s bye week is over?

4. Red Tiger: Is this team in trouble of losing a playoff spot?

5. The DAWGS: Who else heard this playing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC75aU47GRk) after Jeff Reed missed a game winning field goal?

6. Carnegie PantyRaiders: Did their game against The DAWGS prove how much better the NFC is compared to the SFC?

7. Las Tortugas Negras: They play in the minority game if the week, but in all seriousness, how important is that game?

8. The Disciples of Eleven: Clearly the most inconsistent team in the league, with a game against the team that held them to the lowest amount of points in league history, is it time for a little payback (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odRFaz4HblQ&feature=related)?

9. Core Protection: Finally, a win… but are the playoffs out of sight?

10. themadoompaloompas: Now that this team is one game back from securing some playoff positioning, do people now understand why I had their owner as owner of the year?

-Taylor

Week 9 Recap

Another eventful week, capped off by an extremely un-clutch MNF game (for some teams). The Oxendine bros both had a chance to mount a serious comeback, but their hopes were dashed as the Bengals offense choked in the red zone with under a minute left to play.

Results
1. Mud Eaters (The One Cut Back?) def 3. The Ox
2. Chronic Habsturbators def 4. Red Tiger
7. Carnegie PantyRaiders def 5. The DAWGS
9. Core Protection 4Ever def 6. Las Tortugas Negras
10. themadoompaloompas def 8. Disciples of Eleven

Record Update
Mud Eaters (O'Nigger): Most consecutive wins - 6. Previously held by Canadian Pwnage (Berthiaume) in the 2009 season.

Conference Stats
SFC vs. NFC record: 9-12
SFC Total Points: 4243.15
NFC Total Points: 4424.30

Too lazy to do an analysis of the week, so deal with it

-Jon

Core Protection Advertisement

By Jonathan

Hello, ladies. Look at your team, now back to mine, now back at your team, now back to mine. Sadly, your team isn't mine, but if you stopped making Bhavik trades it could be like mine. Look down, back up, where are you? You're in the SNFL playoffs with the team your team could be like. What's in your hand? Now back at me. It's an oyster with two tickets to the Superbowl. Look again, the tickets are now a PWC trophy. Anything is possible when your team is Core Protection. I'm on a L6 streak.

PICKS WEEK 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright I'm rolling deep now. I'm over .500 and ready to go undefeated. On top of this Jacksonville is 4-4, and Florida is 5-3 and one week away from being confirmed into the SEC championship. The NFC has probably got a huge fear boner for the SFC this week. So without further ado here are my picks, note that I am done picking margin of victory because it is near impossible.

Game of the Week: Chronic Habsturbators vs. Red Tiger

The Chronic Habsturbators once thought they had it all. After a clutch add of Pierre Garcon their owner can be quoted for saying "13-1! 13-1! 13-1." To make a short story long he is now 5-3. This two game slump has left Jonathan wondering a lot of things about life. Why do his parents not love him? Why is the other side of the bed so cold? Why has the entire SNFL gotten with his sister? Meanwhile John Lee pulled off a close one against themadoompaloompas, shutting down their late season turnaround. It's gonna be a close one for SFC dominance.

Who wins it: The Chronic Habsturbators

Why?: Jonathan has found solace in masturbating to a mediocre hockey team, so his focus has returned. Also CJ2K is out.

Game 2: Core Protection 4Ever vs. Las Tortugas Negras

Core Protection 4Ever is rocking a 6 game losing streak, the worst in SNFL history. After losing back to back MNF heartbreakers, he is pissed off and wanting to take his anger out on the first team that gets in his way. That team is Las Tortugas Negras, and they aren't going to take a thrashing sitting down. This is an SFC Pridematch at its finest. A win from CP4E would put them back into the playoffs race, while a win from Las Tortugas Negras would only solidify their 3rd place ranking.

Who wins it: Core Protection 4Ever

Why?: This game is just too important. Owner Fred Varn is very talented at getting his team to focus when it counts and with playoffs on the line he is going to get his team into it. Las Tortugas Negras don't stand a chance

Game 3: themadoompaloompas vs. The Disciples of Eleven

There were murmurs of a comeback from the once 0-5 madoompaloompas. After a close loss to Red Tiger in what has become known as the "pillow fight of the year" suffice it to say that the comeback has been shut down. The Disciples of Eleven aren't ready to give up their playoff berth despite the fact that they have posted two Worst of All Time scores in the SNFL.

Who wins it: The Disciples of Eleven

Why?: SFC vs. NFC. SFC wins as always.

Game 4: The DAWGS vs. The Carnegie PantyRaiders

The DAWGS have been causing a ruckus in the SNFL with their anti SFC articles. This kind of prejudice is frowned upon. No one really cares about this game because its two NFC teams but I have to pick it anyway because apparently both of these teams have a shot at being SNFL Champion (but seriously the idea of an NFC SNFL Champion is laughable).

Who wins it: The DAWGS

Why?: After The Carnegie PantyRaiders MNF bullshit against Core Protection they don't deserve to win another game and probably won't. They used all their luck on one game and now their team is going to be revealed for what it really is.

Game 5: The Ox vs. The Fear Boners (Mud Eaters)

Once again, another NFC matchup. Honestly who gives a fuck! Apparently it is the top 2 NFC teams playing each other but that equates to turtles running a footrace. The Mud Eaters escaped last week in MNF and their best player is arguably their kicker. The Ox stands strong quietly making a case for himself as best in the SNFL.

Who wins it: The Ox

Why?: Honestly I had to think about this one. Both teams look decent this week. I'm calling the Ox in an upset though on the sole purpose that one team's luck can only last for so long.

So there you have it.

Also some poser posted picks for me last week. Here were my real picks:

Core Protection 3D vs. The Mud Eaters: The Mud Eaters

Team Canuckistan vs. The Ox: Team Canuckistan

themadoompaloompas vs. Red Tiger: themadoompaloompas

The DAWGS vs. The Disciples of Eleven: The Disciples of Eleven

Las Tortugas Negras vs. The Carnegie PantyRaiders: Las Tortugas Negras

With that said my record currently is 19-16.

Good luck beating me this week. I'll announce the winners (aka none) in a special post next week.

Power Rankings - Week 9

	TEAM	RANK	REC	WHAT WE'VE LEARNED
	Mud Eaters	1 (1)	7-1	In Week 8, Dan Carpenter carried a backpack filled with everyone else on Kevin's team. But as much as this team has been lucky, they still have 2 wins over everyone else. Watch out.
	Chronic Habsturbators	2 (2)	5-3	Even after a brutal loss to Ryan last week, fantasy experts cannot overlook the fact that this team still averages 9 points a game over No. 3 The Ox.
	The Ox	3 (6)	5-3	This team had a strong showing in Week 8, even without a backup RB. However, the real test is yet to come, as Ryan cannot be carried by Orton and Lloyd this week.
	The DAWGS	4 (4)	4-4	Even though this team lost to the ever-unpredictable Disciples of Eleven, they put up good points and would have beaten most of the other teams. Expect the trend of strong weeks to continue for The DAWGS.
	Red Tiger	5 (3)	5-3	This team was extremely lucky to get a win in Week 8, as they finished a dismal 9th in week points. Had their matchup been any other team, they would have taken home a loss.
	Las Tortugas Negras	6 (7)	4-4	I think it's fair to say that Antonio Gates is the only reason Quinton has more than 2 wins this year. If he is out on Sunday, it's hard to imagine the Black Turtles winning against a rejuventated CP4E squad.
	Carnegie PantyRaiders	7 (5)	3-5	After winning by a hair in Week 7 due to Romo's injury and losing in Week 8 due to a bad performance, I think it's time for Jaime to stop blaming luck for his losses.
	Core Protection 4Ever	8 (8)	2-6	After the 2nd heartbreaking MNF loss in a row, the team affectionately known as The Core Oompaloompas of Eleven will surely begin to surge with an influx of new players. But how much trading is too much trading?
	Disciples of Eleven	9 (9)	3-5	This team completely raped face in Week 8, meaning they're due for a sub-60 point performance this coming week. Especially so after trading away two strong players in exchange for two players who happen to be on bye this coming week.
	themadoompaloompas	10 (10)	2-6	Just when it seemed like they were going to have a huge comeback, this team put up league-worst numbers (again) in Week 8. A loss to Garrick this week could be the end of their playoff hopes.

I'm out for now, I have to go disregard females and acquire currency. See you Sunday.

Vincere est totum,
Victoria aut mors,
Vivat SFC!

-Jon

Beat Fred

Let's see who can beat me, the king of the picks, this coming week. It's simple, just leave a comment with who you think will win what game. You don't have to predict a score or reason why, just the winner for each matchup. On Friday I will release my picks and then we will have a grand old time watching me beat everyone.

-Fred

A Call to Arms!

Warning: The views expressed in this piece don’t coincide with my own. This is meant purely as a joke, but its purpose is to raise into question current topic being debated in the SNFL.  

The SFC with another story yesterday about how Berthiaume is open to altering the way the SNFL is structured. The possibility of expanding rosters from 15-17 players, the SFC says, for their public option keeper league -- there's no reason to do this. There's no reason. The SNFL is falling apart! They're gonna bulldoze 40% of the SNFL. The era of Berthiaume has settled in. Forty percent of the SNFL is comprised of good sleepers. The SFC is now using secret tactics to make sure they maintain dominance in the SNFL and leaving the NFC out to fend for itself. They don't have the authority. Forty percent, they're going to have to bulldoze 40% the SNFL to reduce the size because it no longer works the way they want. This is unthinkable in the Sick Nasty Football League. Unthinkable, the era of Berthiaume. It's just -- I'm seeing things happen in this league that I thought I would never, ever see. These are the kind of things that happen in totalitarian regimes!

The era of Berthiaume rolls on. Again, we get the best journalism from the NFC. This from the NFC Telegraph. Dozens in the SNFL may have entire teams bulldozed as part of a drastic shrink to survive proposal being considered by the Berthiaume administration to make way for a keeper league. The SFC is looking at expanding a pioneering scheme in the NFC, one of the best conferences, which involves razing entire teams and returning the land to nothing. Local politicians in the SFC believe the conference must contract by as much as 40%, concentrating the dwindling population and local services into a more viable air. Having outlined this "strategy" to Commissioner Berthiaume during the expansion campaign, John Lee, the treasurer of the SFC, has now been approached by the SFC and a group of charities who want him to apply what he has learnt to the rest of the league. So Mr. Lee said he's going to concentrate on 5 teams and essentially bulldoze them to make 'em smaller and what, more survivable, serviceable or what have you, and turn whatever is bulldozed back to nature, the era of Berthiaume. Shrink to survive. Bulldoze 5 teams, portions of 5 teams. Did you ever think you would hear anything like this in the Sick Nasty Football League? And this is the NFC. This is the NFC. Birthplace of, I believe, the SNFL. Regardless who's been running the SFC? For all these years? Liberals. Who's been running the SFC probably all these years? The NFC made some of their own mistakes but who's making the SFC -- who's bulldozing the NFC? Jonathan Berthiaume. Never, never -- this is the kind of stuff you see in horror films that happens in other leagues. But not here. Bulldozing entire conferences.

I have a question for you, folks, and I know that this is going... you have to listen very carefully here, this is going to push the envelope. Does Fred Varn have the gravitas to be SNFL Majority Leader? Is this what we want in a SNFL Majority Leader? I think the tables need to be turned here. Rather than accept the assumption that Varn is a wizard, a brainiac, utterly qualified and competent, we need to turn the tables and ask what is he bringing to the table. What in the world is Fred Varn doing for the Sick Nasty Football League? How is what Fred Varn is doing enhancing our reputation or improving our position? How many different versions of Satan, the devil, have you seen in your life? I mean, the comic book devil with the red face and the horns, seen that one. We've seen the Satanic devil of the horror films. We've seen the comic devil of TV shows. We've even seen the smooth, tempting devil in Hollywood moves. Is Fred Varn simply another way to portray a devil?

I know: “Taylor, how could you? You don't say this about anybody! Oh, Taylor, please back off, don't go too far, you're going to come off as so, oh, no, Taylor, please don't. He's so laid back, he's so soft-spoken, he's so friendly, he's so, how could you say that, please." Folks, look: Is he so laid back? Is he so soft-spoken? Is Varn so friendly? You tell me. Remember what Varn said when he became the SNFL Majority Leader? He blathered on about bipartisanship and working with the Commissioner and how he came to the job with humility and how he realized now that as Majority Leader his responsibilities were different - that he had to work to bring competing sides together for the good of the SNFL. And from that day forward he's been on TV just about every day doing everything he can to keep the people of this country divided.

In the end my friends, we need to watch out for ourselves. We can't let the agenda of Berthiaume, Lee, Varn, and the SFC ruin this great league we have. We need to take back our league and tell these guys that we don’t want your socialist keeper league just so you can force the NFC  out of the league. Because that’s what going to happen. Don’t trust the liberal media coming out of the SFC. For the NFC to stand, we need to be united!

-Taylor

State of the SNFL Report

With 6 Straight Losses, Core Protection Keeps their Heads Held High

Yesterday, after suffering a 91.60-86.55 loss to the Mud Eaters, Core Protection (affectionately named Core Protection 3D) was handed its 6 consecutive loss of the season. Not only is this shocking giving their 2-0 start at the beginning of the season, but also because of their first place rating in the preseason polls. Since their surprise loss to themadoompaloompas, Core Protection has resorted to trading away most of their team, changing their name each week, and losing their highly touted Pro Bowl quarterback. However, nothing seems to solve their dire need for just one precious win. In the past 3 games, Core Protection has lost by less than 5 points. With a week 9 showdown against the surging Las Tortugas Negras, a loss could end any chance of a magical comeback by lowly Core Protection.

I sat down with the owner of Core Protection to get his feelings on his team’s season…

Taylor Oxendine: You are a trooper: 6 straight losses, tied with Bhavik, and you live with the [luckiest person] in the league… just amazing.

Fred Varn: Just got to keep your chin up and plan for next year. We aren’t out of the playoffs yet either, though it’s going to be difficult.

TO: Can you talk to us about how the loss of Tony Romo is affecting your team.

FV: Well Core Protection could easily be 4-4 had Tony Romo stuck around. His loss is hurting… Just got to try for a win this week with Eli Manning.

TO: Can this team still make the playoffs after suffering so much?

FV: We are only 2 games back from 3^rd place and play the 3^rd place team this weekend. A win would put us right back in the hunt again.

TO: Alright, thank you for your time and good luck this week.

If you want to be interviewed for next weeks SNFL Report just contact me (Taylor Oxendine) by text or on Facebook. If your story is compelling and rich enough, I’ll use it for next week. 

-Taylor         

Rules for Next Season

As we come to the second half of the season, there has been talk on rules. There will be an SNFLOA (Sick Nasty Football League Owners' Association) meeting in the postseason to discuss new rules. Here are the issues to think and debate about:

First off, these issues need to be decided BEFORE the season ends

Keeper League: You are allowed to keep one player you drafted after the sixth round. You have to have him on your team by the end of the regular season or you cannot keep him. If you choose to keep a player you cannot draft a player the round your keeper was drafted.

Draft Order: The 2011 draft order will be decided in order of how teams finish in the 2010 season. The SNFL Champion will get the 10th draft pick, and the SNFL Runner-up will get the 9th draft pick. From there it goes in reverse order of record. The team with the worst record will get the first draft pick and the team left with the best record will get the third, etc. In the event of ties, points for will be used with the earlier draft pick going to the team with lower points for.

These issues will be debated in the postseason:

Flex Position: The addition of a RB/WR flex position

Roster Expansion: The roster will expand to 17 slots instead of the current 15

New Trade Rules: All trades will be voted on, a 6-4 majority will pass. "No" votes must have a reason accompanying them, and "because I play them this week" will no longer be an acceptable reason to vote no.

Point Bonuses: One extra point will be added for 100+ yards from a RB, with another point bonus added at 150+ yards. For WRs the numbers will be 100+ and 200+. For QBs the number will be 300+ and 400+.

Touchdown Point Reduction: Touchdowns will be reduced from 6 points for receiving/running to 5 points or 4 points and 4 points for passing to 3 points.

Points per Reception: WRs will get an extra point or half point for each reception they record.

Increased Add/Drop Limit: Increases to how many players you can add each week.

That is all that I can think of right now, but check this article fairly often for it may be amended as more issues are brought up. By posting this article I am not claiming I support all or any of these issues. These will be decided at the SNFLOA meeting in the postseason. Feel free to discuss them.

-Fred

10 Questions

1. Mud Eaters: Well, he was lucky to beat The Ox in week 1 (winning in the last minutes of MNF). With all the luck this team has gotten, why not again?

2. Team Canuckistan: Has anyone noticed that after a record setting 6 100+ point games, this team hasn’t scored over 85 points in 2 games?

3. The Ox: Who else is looking for 5 new defenses to add to their team?

4. Red Tiger: Is there any team more underrated than this team, and why is no one talking about their rivalry with Team Canuckistan?

5. The DAWGS: How lucky is this team to still be in the top 3 in the NFC?

6. Las Tortugas Negras: Could this be the second straight year that a team, not drafted by its owner, wins it all.

7. Carnegie PantyRaiders: After squandering so many chances to get into the top 3 in the NFC, could their game against The DAWGS finally give them the recognition they deserve… or will Monday Night Football screw them again?

8. The Disciples of Eleven: Has anyone noticed that when this team scores 100+ points they are 3-0?

9. themadoompaloompas: If they had won without a tight end… how much would we be shitting our pants right now? And how much of that fecal matter would be the product of delicious Taco Bell?

10.  Core Protection: They are 2-4 as Core Protection, 0-1 as Core Protection II, 0-1 as Core Protection 3D… should this team be thanking me for leaving their name as Core Protection?

-Taylor

An Analysis of the SFC: What happened and why

Coming into the first season of the SNFL to use conferences, the SFC looked like they had it all. They were stacked in the preseason top 10, with 4 out of 10 teams in the top 5. There was even discussion of redoing the conferences because the SFC was so much better than the NFC, or so it appeared.

Fast forward to today. The NFC have been dominating the SFC in interconference games (12-8) and lead them in points for 3847.10-3768.40. No one in the SFC has less than 3 losses, whereas the NFC has one 7-1. The worst team in the NFC has beaten two SFC opponents and almost a third. The NFC is clearly showing their dominance, and the SFC are left wondering what happened?

The first thing the SFC should look at is consistency. No team in the SFC has proven to be solid. Team Canuckistan's 6 game streak of 100+ points has since fallen with two games under 85. Red Tiger is all over the place in points but ties Team Canuckistan's record. Las Tortugas Negras may be the SFC's best chance at consistency, but they need to get their points per game up to be any hope to the SFC in the playoffs. The Elevolutionaries are the worst, posting two worst of all time games and then raping over 100 in later games. Core Protection has a tendency to play to the level of competition but never enough to win.

The second thing the SFC should look at is scheduling. The entire SFC is pretty even. There is no one team that is safe for the playoffs right now, and there is no one team that is definitely out. With conference play starting back up again it is not impossible for the current standings to be reversed by the end of the season. This leads SFC team records to be worse than given credit for, whereas the highly unbalanced NFC has a clear pecking order.

At this point the only way for the SFC to regain conference pride is to win out their interconference games, or have a PWC champion. These are both feats that the SFC will have to work for and it will be interesting to see what happens in the coming weeks.

-Fred

Week 8 Recap

As if things couldn't get any more retarded after Week 7, here comes Week 8 to add to the massive circlejerk of fantasy faggotry...

Results
1. Cum Eaters def 8. Core Protection 3D
4. The Cox def 2. Team Canuckistan
3. Red Tigay def 10. themadoompaloompas
9. Dicksiples of Elevenigger def 5. The DAWGS
7. Las Whoretugas Negrass def 6. Carnegie PantyRaiders

Record Update
Core Protection 3D (Varn): Most consecutive losses - 6. Previously held by themadoompaloompas (Patel)

Conference Stats
SFC vs. NFC Record: 9-11
SFC Total Points: 3768.40
NFC Total Points: 3847.10

Analysis of the Week
This week's featured stat: A revisit of the Bullshit Factor^TM.

Team Name	BS Factor
Mud Eaters	∞
Everyone Else	0